I Kissed Relationship Goodbye writer Joshua Harris just lately shared an “updated” model of his apology addressing the impression of his work, apologizing particularly to the “LGBTQ+” group and people negatively affected by purity tradition.
In a press release posted on Instagram Monday, the previous Evangelical pastor and writer of the controversial 1997 guide, stated he needed to revisit the journey that led him to rethink its message and finally surrender its central tenets.
“For many years, people have asked me whether I still agree with the ideas I wrote,” Harris wrote. “Some readers have shared that the book harmed them. Their words stayed with me.”
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Harris detailed a years-long strategy of reflection that started in earnest throughout his time in graduate faculty in Vancouver, Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, between 2015 and 2018. That interval marked a turning level in his understanding of the guide’s theological, sociological and cultural implications, he stated.
Initially written when Harris was 21, I Kissed Relationship Goodbye grew to become a bestseller and a foundational textual content of the Evangelical purity motion. Its message inspired younger Christians to keep away from relationship and bodily intimacy earlier than marriage, advocating as a substitute for courtship as a extra godly path. The guide’s teachings have been embraced by many church buildings, youth teams, and fogeys throughout the late Nineties and early 2000s, shaping the connection practices of a era.
In his assertion, Harris claimed he now believes the guide’s concepts had fostered worry, disgrace and unrealistic expectations amongst readers.
“I see now that in trying to warn people about the pitfalls of dating, the book instilled fear in many readers — fear of making mistakes, fear of having their hearts broken, fear of failing to live up to an ideal,” Harris wrote.
Harris stated he started publicly reevaluating his guide in 2016, creating an area on his web site for readers to share their experiences. Many responded with tales of how the guide’s teachings had harmed their relationships and self-perception. These conversations knowledgeable “I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” a 2018 documentary Harris co-created as a graduate faculty challenge.
“I saw my book had many flaws,” he wrote. “In my effort to set a high standard, the book emphasized practices like avoiding dating and kissing before marriage, and concepts like giving your heart away — things that are not found in the Bible.”
“I no longer agreed with the central idea of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, that dating should be avoided,” he wrote.
Harris additionally introduced that he and his writer had agreed to discontinue the guide and its sequels in 2018.
Harris apologized particularly to the “LGBTQ+ people” for “any pain or exclusion” his writings precipitated. Since renouncing his earlier work, Harris’ marriage resulted in 2019, and he stated he not identifies as an Evangelical Christian.
“While I can’t recall all the copies of my book, I’ve worked to spread the word about its problems through public statements, media interviews and the documentary,” Harris said.
“For those who read my book and were misdirected or hurt by it, I want to say this clearly. I am sincerely sorry. I never intended to hurt anyone with what I wrote. I know my apology doesn’t change anything for you, and I know it comes too late, but I want you to hear me. I regret any way that my ideas restricted you, hurt you, or gave you a wrong view of yourself, your sexuality or your relationships.”
In 2015, Harris resigned as senior pastor of Covenant Life Church to attend Regent College, a graduate school in Vancouver, citing a desire to rethink his theology and pastoral methods.
In a 2019 Instagram post, Harris announced that he no longer considered himself a Christian, referencing the biblical term “falling away” to describe his spiritual state.
“By all the measurements that I have for defining a Christian, I am not a Christian. Many people tell me that there is a different way to practice faith and I want to remain open to this, but I’m not there now,” wrote Harris.
In 2021, he announced he was offering a paid course to help people deconstruct their religious beliefs, but later pulled the course amid criticism over monetizing the process of spiritual deconstruction.
“Well bless their hearts.”
